My name is Dr. Justin Lehmiller, and I am a social psychologist and sexuality researcher. I'm here to answer questions submitted by the plusOne community.

Today's question is, how do you get to the point where you're not still a little shy about expressing your likes and dislikes with your partner?

This is a great question, but also a somewhat difficult one because many of us grew up feeling ashamed about our sexuality or what it is that turns us on, which can set the stage for a lifelong pattern of just making it hard to talk about sex in general, let alone what we actually want.

So the first step is to start by unburdening ourselves of that shame so that we can start to feel more confident in expressing our desires. This might mean working with a therapist, or it might mean simply seeking out some educational self-help resources.

Next, it's a matter of finding communication patterns that work for you. So if it's hard for you to put things into words, you might start by communicating more things non-verbally, such as through panting and moaning. Or another way that you might try communicating is through sexting, because sometimes it's easier to type things out than it is to say them to another person's face.

Now, once you start getting more practice with this, and your confidence and pleasure start to build, that shyness will start to go away, follow along to see what question is answered next.